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Dear Diary,

It would make far more sense for me to be studying for my exams right now, rather than typing here. Yes, studying, not revising; revising would mean I have been through my course material at least once over. But this isn’t about my study habits, it’s about my exam pointers! I have this extensively documented and I feel I just have to share a few of them:

Situation: Alpha Prime

There is a question before me and the professor has handled the topic in class, but I simply do not know the answer to it.

Solution:

Lie. Lie like you cut yourself and worship Lucifer himself. Throw in a bunch of references, quotes and annotate/footnote stuff like no one’s business; if there’s one thing we’ve learned from Wikipedia, it’s that everyone believes annotated articles.

Situation:  DEFCON Omega

The exam in it’s entirety is filled with questions on topics the professor has never once taught, mentioned, mumbled or even hinted at, and the sudden reality of failure is sinking into your gut like a bad batch of bambara beans and runny eggs.

Solution:

Stab the prof.

Situation: May Day

Alternative One:

It’s a multiple choice test and choices A through D for almost all the questions are all correct answers to the posed questions. 

Alternative Two:

It’s a multiple choice exam and none of the choices have the correct answer.

Solution:

See solution to DEFCON OMEGA exam protocol

Next time on Dear Diary: How to properly dispose of a dead body.

Solemn,

Cheese.

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