I found out this morning that I can hold my breath for 2 minutes, 1 second and 54 thousandths of a second. Not that that is singularly amazing or anything, seeing as the world record for breath holding is several times higher than that. However that wasn’t what I was trying to achieve; I was holding my breath because I would not allow myself to breathe.
I usually get a taxi to take me most of the way to where I work. This morning I was behind time so I hurried into the first one I could get (yes, I usually am picky about which one I sit in because, you know, I kind of want a seat belt). I quickly unstrapped my backpack and in one swift movement I was seated and setting off.
This was an egregious mistake.
Over the course of the 30 minute journey, my sinuses were raped front, back and side to side by the hideous odor emanating from the driver. My goodness; my eyes stung. As if that weren’t enough, he was a right chatty fellow who just wouldn’t stop trying to engage me in conversation; it was a very bad day to forget my earphones at home. So I just timed myself as I tried to hold my breath for my dear and precious life.
I’m not being cruel am I? I mean, you can smell like refuse if you want, I guess. But smell like that first thing in the morning? Really?
Now I’m pretty sure my neck is stuck cranked to the right like this.
Though sulfuric acid would probably be more effective for him than soap.