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Dear Diary,

At exactly 9:46pm last night, I watched my smartphone fall roly-poly, pell-mell, tumble-bumble into my toilet bowl. My first reaction was quick (GRAB IT NOW), but thankfully, my second reaction, quicker:

My phone was suspended in the toilet bowl then full of my roommate’s urine. At the back of my mind, I acknowledged that at some point I needed to pull it out. Five seconds had gone by. I was still grossed out. Then 20 seconds. Then I figured;

What the hell. That’s a lot of money in the toilet, and, by Krum I’m not letting that go!

In I plunged, quickly laying hand on my cellular device and salvaging it promptly. The remainder of the evening was a flurry of disinfecting and drying stuff in an attempt to breathe life back into my dear phone. I was just about done when I reached into my closet to pick out some cotton swabs to get the disinfectant applied to small places I couldn’t reach with my fingers, but I mistakenly hit down something else. Something made of rubber. Something that comes as a pair. Something, you see, called gloves.

For those who spend their lives online like me, here is the appropriate meme: fmr